Posting this here seems a bit over the top ( as if it matters so much.. ) but, after getting a msg from TG asking what the hell's up with me, thinking about my absence i felt some sort of explanation was in order, at least to those i follow/follow me, that we've interacted & befriended here since i joined wikiloops..
In a nutshell the slump i've been started about 7 years ago taking care of my Mum but these last 3 years this just got more involved & demanding (she was 84 & now she's 93 ) to the point my hours, my work, my income, my emotional stress, etc... rose to levels i was having real trouble dealing with.
Taking care of a wilful elder who doesn't really listen IS difficult. Having the feeling that no matter how much time & effort you pour into it, you're not providing the care needed anyway while your life IS unraveling at the edges, did grind big time into my mind.
My Mum being pragmatic & not wanting living in care for her, concluded going down this road was unsustainable for her, my sister & i & decided to go to a home, one we had looked at a few years back..
It's now been like a year she's been there, bit of a bumpy adaptation period but.. now she's made friends w/ some people she likes it, the place is impeccable, nice gardens she likes walking around, it's nearby for frequent visits AND she gets the care she NEEDS, 24/7 !!
As i've started sorting stuff through my own emotional turmoil, humongous red tape of bank accounts, utilities contracts, deeds, etc, etc AND etc.. were added to the equation
So, i did what i usually do - i withdraw ''from public contact'', grab the problem by the horns & go at it w/ a vengeance until either overcomes. I usually mange to do it & then i go into my hole, lick my wounds back to health - but the process takes time..
After reading TG's msg in hindsight yes, i could've come here every now & then drop a hello or so but... that's just not me, my mind was struggling to keep commitments i had assumed ( even the portuguese translation here, despite the work already done - not delivering on my word to a friend ? that was a source of real stress.. but a HUGE sense of relief as it meant one less front of struggle to deal with !! Plus the guilt of not delivering... )
On top of that i hate imposing my troubles on others or being the grey cloud overcasting & i like hanging out with people when i'm at my ''normal self'' whatever that means.
Those who've gotten to know me know how i comment on tunes i like or acknowledge/answer those who comment on mine & yes, i follow so many & not being the 2 word comment writer ( nothing against those who do, it's just the way i am.. ) it's hard not only to have the time to do it the way i deem people deserve or worst, i can't ''fake it'' as if being in the spirit if my heart & soul are elsewhere.
Anyway... started renovating our house a few months ago, and recently yet another bike accident - this time i tore off my foot from it's ankle socket, right foot pointing forward, the left turned back 120 degrees... totally stupid thing, doing 60 km/h. No matter how skilled a rider you are, oil & water gets bikes every time...
That was a month ago, i still have a cast for another month & then.. 2 or 3 months of physio.
Am i stopping to ride bikes !? Not really no, living without doing the things you love is only.. existing ? As my Grand Dad used to say ''..sorry but plenty of time to rest when i'm 6 feet under..''
THANK GOODNESS, i got to know 3 incredible musicians living nearby i didn't know of, we met at a jam a cousin of mine forced me to attend to get me out of ''my hole'', we clicked & have been jamming/rehearsing 3 times a week, 6 hours each time & this has been immensely therapeutic : as wonderful as this community is nothing replaces playing live with others as we all know, & fact is i've been ACHING for years to find people we could actually gel together.
Each & every time we've played has been a cleanse of the soul ! And they like my idiosyncrasies..............
Stuff is shaping up, work is starting to come back in to almost normal levels of income - big renovation project for a client coming up after mine's done & by December i should be finally out of the tunnel of chaos & mayhem this period has been & into the light.
I've recorded a few ( very few for my usual.. ) which i'll start posting again at a slow pace.
I apologize for not showing up or saying anything, NOTHING against anyone pr anything, just my awkward way as i said, i hope i didn't offend anyone as that was absolutely not my intention !
Well.. i guess enough wasting your time
All the best to everyone & see you sooner rather than later
Nuno
P.S.: Unfortunately i can't go to Steinfeld this year, traveling expenses & difficulty doing it in a cast just precludes that. I envy those who go... but wish you all have FUN ! You rotten lot... ;)
In a nutshell the slump i've been started about 7 years ago taking care of my Mum but these last 3 years this just got more involved & demanding (she was 84 & now she's 93 ) to the point my hours, my work, my income, my emotional stress, etc... rose to levels i was having real trouble dealing with.
Taking care of a wilful elder who doesn't really listen IS difficult. Having the feeling that no matter how much time & effort you pour into it, you're not providing the care needed anyway while your life IS unraveling at the edges, did grind big time into my mind.
My Mum being pragmatic & not wanting living in care for her, concluded going down this road was unsustainable for her, my sister & i & decided to go to a home, one we had looked at a few years back..
It's now been like a year she's been there, bit of a bumpy adaptation period but.. now she's made friends w/ some people she likes it, the place is impeccable, nice gardens she likes walking around, it's nearby for frequent visits AND she gets the care she NEEDS, 24/7 !!
As i've started sorting stuff through my own emotional turmoil, humongous red tape of bank accounts, utilities contracts, deeds, etc, etc AND etc.. were added to the equation
So, i did what i usually do - i withdraw ''from public contact'', grab the problem by the horns & go at it w/ a vengeance until either overcomes. I usually mange to do it & then i go into my hole, lick my wounds back to health - but the process takes time..
After reading TG's msg in hindsight yes, i could've come here every now & then drop a hello or so but... that's just not me, my mind was struggling to keep commitments i had assumed ( even the portuguese translation here, despite the work already done - not delivering on my word to a friend ? that was a source of real stress.. but a HUGE sense of relief as it meant one less front of struggle to deal with !! Plus the guilt of not delivering... )
On top of that i hate imposing my troubles on others or being the grey cloud overcasting & i like hanging out with people when i'm at my ''normal self'' whatever that means.
Those who've gotten to know me know how i comment on tunes i like or acknowledge/answer those who comment on mine & yes, i follow so many & not being the 2 word comment writer ( nothing against those who do, it's just the way i am.. ) it's hard not only to have the time to do it the way i deem people deserve or worst, i can't ''fake it'' as if being in the spirit if my heart & soul are elsewhere.
Anyway... started renovating our house a few months ago, and recently yet another bike accident - this time i tore off my foot from it's ankle socket, right foot pointing forward, the left turned back 120 degrees... totally stupid thing, doing 60 km/h. No matter how skilled a rider you are, oil & water gets bikes every time...
That was a month ago, i still have a cast for another month & then.. 2 or 3 months of physio.
Am i stopping to ride bikes !? Not really no, living without doing the things you love is only.. existing ? As my Grand Dad used to say ''..sorry but plenty of time to rest when i'm 6 feet under..''
THANK GOODNESS, i got to know 3 incredible musicians living nearby i didn't know of, we met at a jam a cousin of mine forced me to attend to get me out of ''my hole'', we clicked & have been jamming/rehearsing 3 times a week, 6 hours each time & this has been immensely therapeutic : as wonderful as this community is nothing replaces playing live with others as we all know, & fact is i've been ACHING for years to find people we could actually gel together.
Each & every time we've played has been a cleanse of the soul ! And they like my idiosyncrasies..............
Stuff is shaping up, work is starting to come back in to almost normal levels of income - big renovation project for a client coming up after mine's done & by December i should be finally out of the tunnel of chaos & mayhem this period has been & into the light.
I've recorded a few ( very few for my usual.. ) which i'll start posting again at a slow pace.
I apologize for not showing up or saying anything, NOTHING against anyone pr anything, just my awkward way as i said, i hope i didn't offend anyone as that was absolutely not my intention !
Well.. i guess enough wasting your time
All the best to everyone & see you sooner rather than later
Nuno
P.S.: Unfortunately i can't go to Steinfeld this year, traveling expenses & difficulty doing it in a cast just precludes that. I envy those who go... but wish you all have FUN ! You rotten lot... ;)
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