Personal story

posted on #1
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Warning, ****real life stuf not funny or light*****
Disclaimer I dont want to be felt sorry for but I got people wandering what's up with me hence my dark texts. I just dont know what to do with myself sometimes to be honest.

2017 my daddy passed away and just before that my partner then 62 got diagnosed with alzheimer's disease.
2018 my partner took 6 hospital visits and got diagnosed with progressed prostate cancer. Last hospital visit resulted in a nearly fatal sepcis and long recovery. But he lived and recovered!
2019 again hospitalized in summer, result a permanent stoma and long recovery, then we decided he had to live in a nursing home due to the alzheimer. Again he lives and we can still communicate.
2020 I dont want to know to be honest.

Sorry for sharing I know I am not special at all everybody goes to this or much worse, I just feel weak not knowing to cope and desperate enough to put it on a forum. Then again you guys give me life I wanted to thank you.❤❤❤

posted on #2
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Hey Tom,so sorry to hear of the bad times you are having,stay strong buddy<3
posted on #3
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Dear Tom,
Your post does touch me quite a bit, especially because I was about to post something similarily personal (tho not as sad) today.
There really isn't much one can say to ease your day -
and there is no one-size-fits-all good advice I could offer.
It is not a popular perception of life to say that there is pain and hardship on the way, but we all experience it.
There are quite simplistic wisdoms like "life will go on, you will get over it..." which may be offered, but what good does that do once you are in the middle of a great loss...
What I'd like to offer is a little different from that.
It will not cure the pain, but maybe it will give you a tiny bit of courage to make it thru the hard times, one day after another.
Tom, you've done good speaking up instead of breaking down.
And you are not alone struggling with lifes challenges -
if I'd state the names of all wikiloops members known to me who are battling severe health issues, divorce, financial problems and all kinds of other hardship, you'd be surprised how many of "us" are struggling with the non-holliwood aspects of life.
We are here, and we'll listen to your blues no matter how dark it gets Tom.
Some of us will not be here any more five years down the road, but some will be left to remember those who've moved on.
Unexpected doors will open one day, and for the time being try not to feel bad about feeling bad - it is your good right to feel worn and sad looking at the past years, don't let anyone tell you you had to keep that to yourself.

Sorry for the straightforward, honest reply - I hope you can sense I'm out to return something for your (possibly a bit desperate) reaching out.

sending <3,
posted on #4
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Sorry to hear of your troubles blues brother, all we can do is keep on going. Better times ahead! <3
posted on #5
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Dear Tom,
I'm very sorry to read these words of yours and I almost feel your deep sadness upon me. Life is truly an obstacle course from which it is impossible to escape, we can only find refuge in what we love. The Blues, which you have deep in your soul, will surely help you in these difficult moments that life presents to you.

A big hug! <3
posted on #6
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Man, I feel your pain and I wish there was something I could say that would make it better, but there isn't. All I can say is stay strong for your partner, and make the best use of what is left of the precious time you have. <3
posted on #7
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I feel you, Tom - don't know much else to say. And I think it's good to inform people here like you did, at least you get some reactions and maybe even the feeling that you're not alone.

Sending <3
posted on #8
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Thank you all for the heart warming words!! ❤
posted on #9
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Prayers for you and your partner frenzie<3
posted on #10
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Hey Tom, had a dark period as well. Lost both my parents and had the worst things happen.

You are fine and nobody is dogging you.You deal with it anyway you want. Hopefully its getting it all out in music.

When my sister was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer they said she had months to live it was so bad. that was 15 years ago and she is now 99.9% free. Its all attitude and outlook. Your job is to point your loved ones into beating and overcoming whatever it is. I dealt with it by getting angry...not at life but whatever it was holding them back from happiness.Be the rock. Be the strength.
posted on #11
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<3<3<3 thank you!
Edited by frenzie on January 20 2020 11:39
posted on #12
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My dear Frenzie!

Nobody can give you comfort, only you can do that.
You can tell Frenzie that I live the blues with all the mean things that life has to offer. I have been to clinics almost all my life more than at home and I can say that horror is more reassuring to me after what I have experienced. I brought this little excerpt from myself because I know what it feels like , I have drawn very positive conclusions from what I have experienced, even though my life is hanging by a thread every day. It is difficult to get out of this mill. Sometimes I am almost drowning too, but I have turned my attention to what keeps opening up to me, but you have to learn to see it, these positive moments. I wish you the strength that is needed and let it out in the blues, because it can be real there. Dark and heavy your soul, dark and heavy the blues. Let everything out, because thank God you have the gift to express yourself through your music, a gift. I like to make music with you here because you can feel it. This is certainly the case for many here. I wish you all the best and support you here in the blues feeling as far as I am able and it is desired !!

Greetings Mickey

Mein lieber Frenzie!

Trost geben kann dir wohl keiner, das kannst nur du selbst.
Man kann sagen Frenzie, daß ich den Blues lebe, mit allen Gemeinheiten, die das Leben zu bieten hat. Ich bin mein ganzes Leben fast mehr in Kliniken gewesen als zu Hause und ich kann sagen, das Horror für mich eher beruhigend ist, nachdem was ich erlebt habe.Ich habe diesen kleinen Auszug von mir gebracht, weil ich weiss, wie es sich anfühlen kann. Ich habe sehr positive Schlüsse aus meinem erlebten gezogen obwohl mein Leben jeden Tag am seidenen Faden hängt. Man kommt schlecht aus dieser Mühle raus. Auch ich bin manchmal fast am ertrinken, dennoch habe ich mein Augenmerk auf das gerichtet, was sich mir immer wieder auftut, man muss es aber erst sehen lernen, diese positiven Momente. Ich wünsche dir die Kraft, die nötig ist und laß es im Blues raus, denn da darf es echt sein. Dunkel und schwer deine Seele, dunkel und schwer der Blues. Lass alles raus, denn du hast Gott sei Dank die Gabe dich durch Deine Musik ausdrücken zu können, ein Geschenk. Ich mache hier gern mit dir Musik, weil man sie spüren kann. Das geht hier bestimmt vielen so. Ich wünsche dir alles Liebe und unterstütze dich hier im Bluesgefühl soweit ich irgendwie dazu in der Lage bin und es gewünscht ist!!

Gruss Mickey
posted on #13
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You are strong just now Frenzie, because you can tell your blues, and put words on it with us here.
Never give up your instrument and your music, they will help you to deal with the suffering inside your heart. This is what I did with my own suffering to go through.
Sure you´ll be able to smile again, to laugh at loud again... Psychological suffering needs time to fade away, even though you will never be the same after the struggle.
Best wishes.
Edited by Caroljoyce on January 21 2020 19:08
posted on #14
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It's so brave and good of you to post this and share what you're going through. I know that you were reticent about doing this initially, and have hopefully now seen the support, love and understanding that others have to offer. You are not alone. We are here for you whenever you reach out.
You're only as old as you smell
posted on #15
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You know the whole thing about being an artist is that you feel things deeply. You are a sensitive person in a difficult should be experincing what you are experincing exactly that way because it is who you are. Sob, shout, primal scream if you need to. Its your human right to express your thankyou for reaching out to your Loops know we got your back, anytime. Sending healing vibes to you Tom <3<3<3
posted on #16
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I an literally overwhelmed in a very good way!! This was heartwarming the old fashioned way big time. Truly grateful <3<3
posted on #17
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You're a good man Tom, much respect to you and my sincere best wishes your heart will mend over time and your wonderful memories of your father and partner will start to take over the sadness. Stay strong my very good friend and know you have a community here that is behind you.<3
posted on #18
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What your going through is because you have one or both of these traits:

Definition Compassion
sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.

Definition Empathy
the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

Be thankful you don’t have this:

Apathy is a lack of feeling, emotion, interest, or concern about something of great importance. Apathy is a state of indifference, or the suppression of emotions such as concern, excitement, motivation, or passion.

Narcissistic personality disorder — one of several types of personality disorders — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a (( lack of empathy for others.))
posted on #19
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Just sending you <3.
I think that words can't help and explain right emotions but music can !! And in difficult moment it is helpful to take our instrument and play !
posted on #20
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Your reactions have touches me so hard!!
Actually makes me speechless....
Really a case of: I'm not crying you're crying! :) which is good! Better cry your eyes out that gives relieve. I cannot get to those feelings easy.
The fear of unknown is the scary, right now the coast is relatively clear in the current health front.
But reflecting on what happened and what's to come made me write this. It's just to big to comprehend
And I am happy I shared this with you the wiki family. And will use the blues and Wikiloops to try to cope with reality.
And this makes me realise we all suffer I am not special
My heart goes out to all of you who go to loss pain or heartache.
Let the music help us.
Big hug.<3
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