I went down to an auction with a pocketful of green,
I bought 3D printer and an ancient fax machine,
They had some lab equipment and I called out "what the hell?-
A DNA se-quencer!" Bought me one of them as well.
I took it to my fixin' shed and stripped it all apart,
I planned to make some gizmo but was not sure where to start,
Then it kinda struck me and I'll happily report,
These were the components of a basic teleport.
I faxed myself to New York and I faxed myself to Rome,
I faxed myself to Singapore then faxed myself back home,
I faxed myself to New Orleans and danced at Mardi Gras,
I faxed myself to NASA where I watched them land on Mars.
The toner was too low when I was faxed to Winnipeg,
I climbed out of the fax tray and I only had one leg,
I had to get it fixed up by a Doctor down in Maine,
I couldnt fax myself there so I hopped on to a train.
I faxed myself to Hogwarts where I learned some magic tricks,
I faxed myself to Boston; saw the Celtics beat the Knicks,
I faxed myself to Tampa Bay and touched the Stanley Cup,
I faxed myself to Britney's house and told her to cheer up.
But every trip I took made one more duplicate of me,
This was unsustainable and that was plain to see,
There were now more than fifty of "us" all over the place,
And I only have one paycheck and not nearly enough space.
The duplicates kept bugging me demanding equal rights,
I had to work out what to do it kept me up all night,
So I gathered "us" together in a room near city hall,
And I'm not proud to admit it but I had to shoot them all.
I faxed myself to Washington and shook Joe Biden's hand,
I faxed myself to Jersey and jammed with the E-Street band,
I faxed myself to L.A. right by the La Brea pits,
I faxed myself to Nashville and saw Dolly Parton's t**s.
[Author's Note]
Naturally, none of the feats here should be attempted by anyone. Ever.
The engineering-minded reader will also have noted that however sophisticated
the sending station might be the RECEIVING station would need to have the
same capabilities - and pushing the amount of information necessary
to duplicate a human being through the telephone system is hardly feasible - plus
where would you actually go? who has a fax machine these days anyway?.
Also, the last line is a bit coarse so I would like to apologise and state that
it's mainly in homage to the great MacLean & MacLean song of the eighties (their
hometown is also namechecked - answers on a postcard please). No offence is meant towards
women in general and Ms Parton in particular who I greatly admire and who looks
amazing for her age and still sings like an angel.
I bought 3D printer and an ancient fax machine,
They had some lab equipment and I called out "what the hell?-
A DNA se-quencer!" Bought me one of them as well.
I took it to my fixin' shed and stripped it all apart,
I planned to make some gizmo but was not sure where to start,
Then it kinda struck me and I'll happily report,
These were the components of a basic teleport.
I faxed myself to New York and I faxed myself to Rome,
I faxed myself to Singapore then faxed myself back home,
I faxed myself to New Orleans and danced at Mardi Gras,
I faxed myself to NASA where I watched them land on Mars.
The toner was too low when I was faxed to Winnipeg,
I climbed out of the fax tray and I only had one leg,
I had to get it fixed up by a Doctor down in Maine,
I couldnt fax myself there so I hopped on to a train.
I faxed myself to Hogwarts where I learned some magic tricks,
I faxed myself to Boston; saw the Celtics beat the Knicks,
I faxed myself to Tampa Bay and touched the Stanley Cup,
I faxed myself to Britney's house and told her to cheer up.
But every trip I took made one more duplicate of me,
This was unsustainable and that was plain to see,
There were now more than fifty of "us" all over the place,
And I only have one paycheck and not nearly enough space.
The duplicates kept bugging me demanding equal rights,
I had to work out what to do it kept me up all night,
So I gathered "us" together in a room near city hall,
And I'm not proud to admit it but I had to shoot them all.
I faxed myself to Washington and shook Joe Biden's hand,
I faxed myself to Jersey and jammed with the E-Street band,
I faxed myself to L.A. right by the La Brea pits,
I faxed myself to Nashville and saw Dolly Parton's t**s.
[Author's Note]
Naturally, none of the feats here should be attempted by anyone. Ever.
The engineering-minded reader will also have noted that however sophisticated
the sending station might be the RECEIVING station would need to have the
same capabilities - and pushing the amount of information necessary
to duplicate a human being through the telephone system is hardly feasible - plus
where would you actually go? who has a fax machine these days anyway?.
Also, the last line is a bit coarse so I would like to apologise and state that
it's mainly in homage to the great MacLean & MacLean song of the eighties (their
hometown is also namechecked - answers on a postcard please). No offence is meant towards
women in general and Ms Parton in particular who I greatly admire and who looks
amazing for her age and still sings like an angel.
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