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Bounty Huntin'

Lyric #2765 by bassMonkey

Tags: Much more Western than Country
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posted on #1
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Posts: 63
Joined: 02.12.20
Ezekiel Johnson (a.k.a. "Zeke"),
Husband and father to five,
Two hundred bucks was put on his head,
Poster said "Dead or Alive".
Killed his wife in a matter of small import,
Saddled up and rode outta town,
I followed his trail for ten hours straight,
Before finally hunting him down.

I found ol' Zeke campin' out by the creek,
Sleeping with a gun by his head,
Woke with my twelve gauge kissing his cheek.
"You as much as sneeze and you're dead!"
He started to sobbing and begging me "Please!"
Wantin' me to pardon his sins,
I said "it ain't my job to save your soul,
It's my job to drag your ass in."

Jimmy McKenzie (known as "The Kid"),
Murdered seven people it's said,
Got a price on his head of three grand even,
Poster said "Preferably Dead".
I heard tell he was in El Paso,
In a couple days, I was there too,
Picking up a trail from whores and barmaids,
Dropping green on every clue.

Jimmy was smart and pretty good at hiding,
A master of disguises to boot,
He was at a saloon dressed up as a showgirl,
Admittedly, he looked kinda cute.
He asked "what's your pleasure?", I said "your death",
He turned around and started to run,
But he wasn't goin' far in those high heeled boots,
And I already had a hand on my gun.

Jimmy stopped dead and he turned and said,
"Maybe we could come to a deal?"
I said, "You come with me and I won't kill you",
That wasn't what he wanted I feel.
He tried to pull Deringer out of his corset,
A move I kinda' figured he'd make,
It took two lethal shots from a Colt 45,
To convice him that he'd made a mistake.

Lillian Neilson ("Switchblade Lil'"),
Owner of a bar near the Fort,
Cut a piece off of a horny Cowpoke,
Three hundred dollar reward.
I knew she was sweet on a Chickasaw Chief,
So I headed out to Prairie Dog Fork,
Ten armed braves stood guarding her tepee,
I yelled "Come on out! I just wanna talk".

Lil' stepped out with a babe in arms,
Said "Mister, I ain't lookin' to fight,
But that low-down Cowboy raped my sister,
And I only did what I thought was right."
I thought about that (and I weighed my odds),
Tipped my hat and rode for the plains,
I figured if I'd been in her shoes,
I'd have probably done much the same.

Father O'Reilly ("Catholic Priest"),
Stealing from the faithful in seems,
Reward in the sum of eighty five dollars,
Meh, someone else can get that one.


[Scorecard]
Dead :1
Alive :1
At Large :1
Couldn't :1
be Assed

[Earnings]
$3,200 (Less $65.17 expenses*)

*Full details submitted to IRS
Edited by bassMonkey on August 21 2021 10:09
posted on #2
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Posts: 63
Joined: 02.12.20
[footnote]
The author (a bass player) has recently come in to the posession of a new metal stringed accoustic guitar and in between yelling "how do these Hobbits play this with their tiny fingers" has been enjoying himself with nonsense like this that tends to go : [chord sequence he can play] dang dang duuuung.
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