'Twas once upon St Philip's day,
Within the merrie month of May,
A young man went a-Lidl-ing,
And Waitrose did forsake,
For tales he'd heard of goods galore,
At prices no man could ignore,
He sought a nook of pasty there,
His supper for to make.
Within a maiden caught his gaze,
Both sweet of voice and fair of face,
She dallied by the trackie pants,
For bargains she liked well,
Said she "Kind sir pray tell me true,
Does this pair look most fine to you?"
Quoth he "Your bottoms best the best,
That I hath e'er beheld!"
Alas! her father stood nearby,
A-browsed he at the frozen pies,
He overheard with context none,
These words of innocence,
Mistaking them for fruitiness,
Foreswore he to make swift redress,
His daughter's honour he'd defend,
With righteous violence.
Thusfore to smite this brazen pup,
A jar of Brätwurst took he up,
Yon sausage hammer thundered down,
Upon the young man's head,
Most sorely fell he to the ground,
And though the good folk gathered round,
They could not raise him back to life,
The poor man lay there dead.
And so young men must thee all know,
That if a-Lidl-ing thou must go,
Mark well the wisdom I impart,
As I sing you this song,
Whilst countless bargains wait for you,
This path is fraught with danger too,
So keep your hand upon your hilt,
Or you won't last too long.
Edited by bassMonkey on February 04 2022 22:58
Within the merrie month of May,
A young man went a-Lidl-ing,
And Waitrose did forsake,
For tales he'd heard of goods galore,
At prices no man could ignore,
He sought a nook of pasty there,
His supper for to make.
Within a maiden caught his gaze,
Both sweet of voice and fair of face,
She dallied by the trackie pants,
For bargains she liked well,
Said she "Kind sir pray tell me true,
Does this pair look most fine to you?"
Quoth he "Your bottoms best the best,
That I hath e'er beheld!"
Alas! her father stood nearby,
A-browsed he at the frozen pies,
He overheard with context none,
These words of innocence,
Mistaking them for fruitiness,
Foreswore he to make swift redress,
His daughter's honour he'd defend,
With righteous violence.
Thusfore to smite this brazen pup,
A jar of Brätwurst took he up,
Yon sausage hammer thundered down,
Upon the young man's head,
Most sorely fell he to the ground,
And though the good folk gathered round,
They could not raise him back to life,
The poor man lay there dead.
And so young men must thee all know,
That if a-Lidl-ing thou must go,
Mark well the wisdom I impart,
As I sing you this song,
Whilst countless bargains wait for you,
This path is fraught with danger too,
So keep your hand upon your hilt,
Or you won't last too long.
Edited by bassMonkey on February 04 2022 22:58
