A-Lidl-ing

Lyric #2878 by bassMonkey

Tags: Folk, Humour, Shopping, Misunderstanding, Death
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posted on #1
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'Twas once upon St Philip's day,
Within the merrie month of May,
A young man went a-Lidl-ing,
And Waitrose did forsake,
For tales he'd heard of goods galore,
At prices no man could ignore,
He sought a nook of pasty there,
His supper for to make.

Within a maiden caught his gaze,
Both sweet of voice and fair of face,
She dallied by the trackie pants,
For bargains she liked well,
Said she "Kind sir pray tell me true,
Does this pair look most fine to you?"
Quoth he "Your bottoms best the best,
That I hath e'er beheld!"

Alas! her father stood nearby,
A-browsed he at the frozen pies,
He overheard with context none,
These words of innocence,
Mistaking them for fruitiness,
Foreswore he to make swift redress,
His daughter's honour he'd defend,
With righteous violence.

Thusfore to smite this brazen pup,
A jar of Brätwurst took he up,
Yon sausage hammer thundered down,
Upon the young man's head,
Most sorely fell he to the ground,
And though the good folk gathered round,
They could not raise him back to life,
The poor man lay there dead.

And so young men must thee all know,
That if a-Lidl-ing thou must go,
Mark well the wisdom I impart,
As I sing you this song,
Whilst countless bargains wait for you,
This path is fraught with danger too,
So keep your hand upon your hilt,
Or you won't last too long.
Edited by bassMonkey on February 04 2022 22:58
posted on #2
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Oh dear! Killed by a Brätwurst... :D :D :D
posted on #3
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The Lidl near me has great big glass jars of it - man, they look lethal.
posted on #4
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They can kill you in so many ways, especially if you let them out of the jar :O :O :O By the way, did you watch the animated movie "sausage party"? I watched it recently, some funny moments there. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sausage_Party
posted on #5
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Their Italian wine selection is top notch at the moment, to be fair. Check out the Barbera D'Alba. Cracking red for £7.:D
Edited by WanHu on February 04 2022 12:13
"All music is folk music. I aint never heard no horse sing a song".
Louis Armstrong
posted on #6
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Very true! - there is plenty there to like, dont get me wrong ;) I am partial to the £8 Chablis plus the cheeky Malbecs from the New World selection. A perfect companion to a "nook of pasty" as evidenced by Athelstane in Scott's classic Ivanhoe:

"At length down he came, with an unstable step and a strong flavour of wine and spices about his person. Good cheer had opened his heart, for he left me a nook of pasty and a flask of wine, instead of my former fare. I ate, drank, and was invigorated"
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