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(I bought) The Devil's Dick (in Albuquerque)

(I bought) The Devil's Dick (in Albuquerque)

Lyric #2980 by bassMonkey

Tags: Country style, deals with the Devil, silly nonsense, impulse purchases
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posted on #1
bassMonkey Supporter
Posts: 383
Joined: Dec 2, 2020
I bought the Devil's dick in Albuquerque,
At a thrift store down on Jefferson and Main,
It was on a shelf with garden tools and medical supplies,
Why I had to have it I can not explain.

The salesman wanted fifty seven dollars,
But I talked him down to only forty three,
He wrapped it up in paper and he put it in a bag,
Then I took it home with me to Tennessee.

I hung it on the wall of my apartment,
Right next to my signed picture of Chris Pratt,
My girlfriend took one look at it then turned to me and screamed,
"Sweet Jesus! What the freakin' hell is THAT?!?".

I told her it would bring us both good fortune,
And on the whole that turned out to be true,
We both came in to money and we both got better jobs,
So I think that kinda proves me right don't you?

But then one night dead on the stroke of midnight,
I heard the sound of knocking at my door,
I opened it to see the Devil standing right outside,
He said;- "I think you know what I'm here for."

It turned out that he'd lost it in a card game,
That had broken up and turned in to a fight,
It wasn't clear what happened because everyone was crocked,
But it sounded like a pretty crazy night.

I said I wanted ninety seven dollars,
But the Devil talked me down to eighty five,
He put it back in place and then he turned to me and smiled,
"Oh yeah..." he said, "It's good to be alive."

I bought the Devil's dick in Albuquerque,
I sold it back to him in Tennessee,
I made less than fifty dollars but I made myself a friend,
And I'll tell you what, that's good enough for me.
+4
posted on #2
bassMonkey Supporter
Posts: 383
Joined: Dec 2, 2020
[notes]

There is, of course, some of John S. Hall (King Missile)'s DNA in this.

And there is in fact a Canadian Movie called "The Devil's Dick" - check out IMDB
if you don't believe me - but I haven't seen it and I'm pretty damn sure that
Chris Pratt is not in it.

I once bought a piece of ethnic art somewhere in the South West although I'm sure
it was not in Albuquerque - a lovely city now best known to the world as the
home of "Breaking Bad" and the place that Bugs Bunny "Shoulda turned left".

It didn't strike me at the time how phallic it was but I got it home and my
wife said something like "OMG, that looks like the Devil's dick." Unsurprisingly,
it was never put on display at our house and it mysteriously disappeared soon afterwards.
- she denies all knowledge.

If old Nick ever did show up at my door some dark and stormy night, I guess I'd have
to say "er, I've no idea sir, it's probably in a land-fill in Essex by now."

So a nugget of truth in its origins but its basically a load of lies. (unlike my
other stuff which is all 100% true....)

The lyrical structure is a lot like "Road to Nowhere" which I thought was a bit
country until Gary (axenvocs) proved me totally wrong by using it in a brilliant
metal track.

I have been playing this one country-style to amuse myself.
+3
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posted on #3
WanHu Supporter
Posts: 53
Joined: Nov 29, 2014
Gets a "yeeha!" from me:D
+2
posted on #4
rootshell Supporter
Posts: 240
Joined: Jul 4, 2020
fun little blues jam to bassMonkey's awesome lyrics, thanks for the jam bassMonkey!
[wl]248010[/wl]
+3
posted on #5
bassMonkey Supporter
Posts: 383
Joined: Dec 2, 2020
Very cool - turns out I was wrong again!! Nice work Nick :)
+1
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