I bought the Devil's dick in Albuquerque,
At a thrift store down on Jefferson and Main,
It was on a shelf with garden tools and medical supplies,
Why I had to have it I can not explain.
The salesman wanted fifty seven dollars,
But I talked him down to only forty three,
He wrapped it up in paper and he put it in a bag,
Then I took it home with me to Tennessee.
I hung it on the wall of my apartment,
Right next to my signed picture of Chris Pratt,
My girlfriend took one look at it then turned to me and screamed,
"Sweet Jesus! What the freakin' hell is THAT?!?".
I told her it would bring us both good fortune,
And on the whole that turned out to be true,
We both came in to money and we both got better jobs,
So I think that kinda proves me right don't you?
But then one night dead on the stroke of midnight,
I heard the sound of knocking at my door,
I opened it to see the Devil standing right outside,
He said;- "I think you know what I'm here for."
It turned out that he'd lost it in a card game,
That had broken up and turned in to a fight,
It wasn't clear what happened because everyone was crocked,
But it sounded like a pretty crazy night.
I said I wanted ninety seven dollars,
But the Devil talked me down to eighty five,
He put it back in place and then he turned to me and smiled,
"Oh yeah..." he said, "It's good to be alive."
I bought the Devil's dick in Albuquerque,
I sold it back to him in Tennessee,
I made less than fifty dollars but I made myself a friend,
And I'll tell you what, that's good enough for me.
At a thrift store down on Jefferson and Main,
It was on a shelf with garden tools and medical supplies,
Why I had to have it I can not explain.
The salesman wanted fifty seven dollars,
But I talked him down to only forty three,
He wrapped it up in paper and he put it in a bag,
Then I took it home with me to Tennessee.
I hung it on the wall of my apartment,
Right next to my signed picture of Chris Pratt,
My girlfriend took one look at it then turned to me and screamed,
"Sweet Jesus! What the freakin' hell is THAT?!?".
I told her it would bring us both good fortune,
And on the whole that turned out to be true,
We both came in to money and we both got better jobs,
So I think that kinda proves me right don't you?
But then one night dead on the stroke of midnight,
I heard the sound of knocking at my door,
I opened it to see the Devil standing right outside,
He said;- "I think you know what I'm here for."
It turned out that he'd lost it in a card game,
That had broken up and turned in to a fight,
It wasn't clear what happened because everyone was crocked,
But it sounded like a pretty crazy night.
I said I wanted ninety seven dollars,
But the Devil talked me down to eighty five,
He put it back in place and then he turned to me and smiled,
"Oh yeah..." he said, "It's good to be alive."
I bought the Devil's dick in Albuquerque,
I sold it back to him in Tennessee,
I made less than fifty dollars but I made myself a friend,
And I'll tell you what, that's good enough for me.
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