(The Great) "Lesbian" Bank Job

[img]https://www.bloomfieldknoble.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/03/header-cowgirl-museum-2-1.jpg[/img]

[u][i]Dramatis Personae[/i][/u]

Dora Mae Pennington : [i]A townswoman.[/i]
Polly Carter : [i]Her sister-in-law.[/i]
Martha Trelawney : [i]A local farmer's wife.[/i]

Nathaniel P. Clay : [i]The town sheriff.[/i]
The Clerk : [i]A bank employee.[/i]
Hangman : [i]Executioner and part-time hairdresser.[/i]

[i]Assorted bank customers and staff.[/i]


[u]Chapter 1: The Plan[/u]
[i](In which extreme measures are contemplated under the most desperate of circumstances.)[/i]

Well now...

Around the time the men went off to fight the Civil War,
The women of the heartland had to cope with being poor,
When Dora Mae and Polly rode on out to Martha's house,
They found her all alone without enough to feed a mouse.
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"A tragedy" Said Dora Mae, "The same all over town,
We struggle day and night and yet we still get beaten down,"
So Polly said "If we don't act, we'll starve to be quite frank,
Go and grab your pistols girls - we're gonna rob the bank!"

[u]Chapter 2: The Robbery[/u]
[i](In which a daring raid is executed but with a significant problem arising.)[/i]

Well now...

Three women rode to town and hitched their horses to a rail,
Burst right into the bank and made the tellers all turn pale,
They cried "This here's a robbery so y'all reach for the sky,
Stuff money in those saddle bags and no-one needs to die!"
---
One clerk kept out of sight though and he slipped away unseen,
He ran up to the Sheriff's office to recount the scene,
Sheriff Clay exclaimed "don't say the James boys have come back!"
He was told "It's worse that than sir, it's a Lesbian attack!!"

[u]Chapter 3: The Sheriff[/u]
[i](In which Sheriff Clay proves to be a less than able negotiator.)[/i]

Well now...

The Sheriff hitched his pants up and he buckled on his gun,
He strode down to the bank to do what needed to be done,
He called "Now look you Lesbians, this here is Sheriff Clay,
Ain't gonna stand for crazy ladies robbing banks today.
---
If y'all come out all peaceable we'll talk this business out,
Is it that time of month again - is that what it's about?
Don't force me to come in there, I might have to spank your butts!"
Polly stepped out of the front door and she shot him in the nuts.

[u]Chapter 4: The Aftermath[/u]
[i](In which two of our heroines ride off into the sun
- while the third makes a statement for the ages.)[/i]

Well now...

Both Dora Mae and Martha made it down to Mexico,
They wed two wealthy farmers named Miguel and Angelo,
But law men hunted Polly in each corner of the land,
'Cause she'd shot a Sheriff's cock off and they couldn't let that stand.
---
They tried her and convicted her and sentenced her to die,
As he put the rope around her neck the hangman asked her "Why?"
Polly said, "This lousy patriarchy really makes me sick,
It's a patronising, phallo-centric, macho crock of sh......"

[Kerrr- Klunck!]

THE END

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[notes]
Well now...

I guess a kind of "horse opera" in four acts 😄. The thread of truth from which
this tale hangs of course is that there were severe shortages in southern towns
during the US civil war. These are actually best known for the "bread riots"
involving (mainly) working class women in a number of cities including Atlanta,
Mobile and Richmond. Perhaps unsurprisingly these were treated very unsympathetically
by the Northern press (see below) .

I didn't pin this down to a specific location but "heartland" encompasses a number
of SE/Midwest states in both the Union and the Confederacy at the time. If Sheriff
Clay knew enough about the pre-war James brothers to be worried though, it would
likely suggest somewhere not too far from Southern Missouri - a slave state that
the Confederacy recognised as its 12th but which didn't actually leave the Union.

Although a passionate opponent of all forms of misogyny - wherever it rears its
ugly head - The author would like it known that he neither encourages nor condones:

A. Armed Robbery.
B. Shooting off people's genitals (no matter what the provocation).

[img]https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/2f/Apr2_richmond_riot.jpg/468px-Apr2_richmond_riot.jpg[/img]

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Well said. Very well said! Unfortunately protests against the patriarchy haven't changed things very much, and women who play at being more "manly" (heartless and ruthless) than men (eg female prime ministers) only make things worse. And now even peaceful protests, by both men and women, are simply ignored or given lip service by our "leaders" (most of whom were elected by about a third of the 30% who still turn out to vote). Those women who gave their lives to get women the right to vote must be turning in their graves. Sorry to get political on the good ship wikiloops, but my heart despairs at the state of the patriarchy today.

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Thank you BB, your comment is as erudite as ever and much appreciated!

It is (IMHO) hardly "political" because it's about human rights, not even a left/right discussion any more hopefully.

Measured against the 1860's we can claim forward progress of course but there is so much left to do. You could argue that the needle hardly moved for 60-odd years with regard to the right of women to vote (In the US and Europe generally) but the Western states set the pace well beforehand: Wyoming(1869), Utah (1870), Colorado(1893), Idaho(1896), Washington(1910), California(1911), Oregon & Arizona(1912), Montana(1914).

Switzerland managed to follow suit in 1971 (yes, really).

Democracy, as you rightly point out though, is in serious trouble today. Now that COULD get a little political so don't get me started :)

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Interesting facts that I never knew, bM. Although I had heard the Switzerland one. But there will be many who will argue there are good reasons for male domination and that DOES get political, so I'll leave it there too. :)

I love reading your lyrics, always thought-provoking, and with great imagery. I look forward to reading your next 150.

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You are most kind to say so <3. I'm the first to admit that
some of the silly nonsense I write does not work well in
a "normal" song though it seems some does. And a few
seem to enjoy the odder ones - good eggs one and all.

It just comes out of my head as it is (normally when
practising the bass or the guitar) and I note down bits
I like and see if they can be worked into something.

Kept me sane in the great Lockdowns...

Currently working on (when I get the time) a Libretto for



Or I might call it "Going Spare"... Just have to work out how not
to get sued - By Barry Mann and Pete Townsend for the titles alone.

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I'm not sure you can get sued for titles. There are many songs that share the same titles. Many of my lyrics have come from titles, eg Sunset Ballad, Temporary, Don't Stop Me Talkin', Red China Blues (coming soon) -- they trigger an idea or start a train of thought. I like Going Spare :)

I usually need a concept to write a song, so as well as interesting titles, I think many of my ideas come from being set essays at secondary school, the teacher would always give good marks for a twist in a story. It taught me to think of an ending to go along with a beginning. I always did well at essays even though I was useless at English Lit, I hate Shakespeare (I know, I'm a moron, but I'm not going to change now :).

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