Haunted Zeppelin Riff

One night at my place,
I was slappin' the bass,
Till my digits grew tired and stiff,
When out of the dark sprang a grisly ghost,
It was a haunted Zeppelin riff.

It was dirty and mean,
Like a can of cold beans,
And it was swinging like a dead cat bounce,
Tearing the carpet right off of my floor,
And then sitting there ready to pounce.

It's menacing tone,
Chilled me right to the bone,
When it took a big toke on my spliff,
It started knocking holes right through my walls,
It was a haunted Zeppelin riff.

And it went:
"Dang-a-dang dang di da da da,
Di-duh duh duuuuh bish-bang,
Da-di-da ding de da-di-da ding,
Chunga wunga bunga kerrang."

In a towering rage,
I rang Jimmy Page,
Said something like "WHAT THE F. HELL!?!?",
He promised he'd be round in a minute or two,
And he'd bring along Bonham as well.

In a puff of red smoke,
Two Zeppelin blokes,
Stood together by the kitchen sink,
I said "hold on guys, isn't one of you dead?"
And ol' Pagey just tipped me a wink.

At a frightening pace,
They both gave chase,
Until they had it cornered under the stairs,
They stuffed it in a copy of Led Zep Three,
And then they said a few demonic prayers.

And they went:
"Dang-a-dang dang di da da da,
Di-duh duh duuuuh bish-bang,
Da-di-da ding de da-di-da ding,
Chunga wunga bunga kerrang."

They'd nothing else planned,
So the three of us jammed,
And though Robert didn't answer our call,
My dog joined in with a high-pitched howl,
And you couldn't tell the difference at all.

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Brilliant! To write a whole song about a riff! Brilliant!

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Thank you BB!

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[notes]
There are a number of Zeppelin albums widely believed to be
haunted which is of course nonsense.

However, as discussed in a number of papers from University
Parapsychology departments from Edinburgh to Portsmouth, there are
an unusually large number of Jimmy Page riff's which are laden with
psychic receptors. These are essentially resonant freqencies
attuned to the transmission media of manifest entities or
"ghost fly-paper" as they are sometimes called in nuttier TV shows.

It is very rare for a given riff to contain more than a couple
of seconds of these (a little more if in E-minor, a little less
in C#) and therefore remarkable that taking Zeppelin's first
three albums together there is about 16 minutes' worth. Naturally,
people speculate about Mr Page's well documented fascination at
the time with notorious spook botherer Aleister Crowley.

So in a nutshell, Led Zep II (say) is not haunted but if you
play it enough, your copy - or your soundsystem/smart speaker
- may well be. If you happen to live in an area known for high
psychic activity and you play a lot of early Zep, you are pretty
much asking for it.

The band's fourth album know as "untitled" or "the runes" to
afficionados and "Led Zep IV" to everyone else contains no psychic
receptors at all. The runes are actually designed to ward off
malignent spirits (a "sorry folks!" from the band) and should
always be kept as close as possible to the preceding three albums
to neutralise their effects.

Ironically though, the BIGGEST controversy regarding their recordings
does arise from this album and the song "Stairway to Heaven" in
particular. It was widely rumored that if you play it backwards you
could hear Plant say "my sweet satan". Now we all have it on mp3
format it's a lot easier to play it this way and confirm that the
rumor is b*ll*cks, in any case Plant was in to Tolkein not Crowley
so it would much more likely have said "Give me my bl**dy
ring back you short-ar*ed little tw*t!"

There are now believed to be emergency protocols in place to handle
the likley chaos that would ensue if anyone on national broadcast
media ever uttered the phrase "Alexa, play Led Zep III".

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